Honey

I hope we’ll meet again if there’s another place. But for me, Heaven has always been wherever I was with you. 

On the day we met, my life changed forever. I changed forever. For me, it was love at first sight. But I had no idea what was in store for me through that love. I had no idea that we would share the deepest bond I’ve ever shared. I had no idea how you would love me like I have never been loved before. I had no idea that I would love you like I have never loved before. I had no idea, then, that I’d met my soulmate and the great love of my life. 

I didn’t know it then, but I would very quickly learn it. 

From the very beginning, you and I were inseparable. We did everything together. You were always with me. You were always there for me. 

You got me through what had been the most difficult times of my life. (Those times are distant seconds now that I have lost you, though). You made me happier. You made me stronger. You made me better. You made me who I am, truly. 

I owe all the best parts of myself to you, Honey. You opened me up to so many things I didn’t even know I wanted to be. 

I owe all of my closest friendships to you, too. You taught me everything about loving others, friendship, patience, kindness, forgiveness, and bonding. You made me feel so safe in a relationship where I was unconditionally loved, and I carried that into my relationships with the humans in my life (as well as my relationships with/to non-human animals, generally). 

The truth is, I was never good enough for you, sweet Honey. I’m so sorry about that. You deserved perfection, and I was far from perfect. But you never loved me any less, and you always let me know it. I cannot describe how healing your love and our relationship have been for me.

I am grateful for every single second we spent together. 

I could write forever about everything I love about you. Your gentle nature, your lively spirit, your joy, your innocence, your silliness, your warmth…the way you smelled so good…the way you felt so good to nuzzle and pet…everything about you is the thing I love the most. 

I could write forever about everything that was (is!) special about you. You were unlike anyone (human, dog, or otherwise) I have ever known. Your light shone brighter than I have ever seen. You had this incredible, exceptional way of bringing a smile to the face of literally anyone who so much as laid eyes on you. You could turn someone’s day around just by passing them on the street. You were (and still are) an angel and a miracle – to me and to everyone who knew, met, or even just caught a glimpse of you. It was such an honour and a privilege for me to be your person.

I keep reaching for the words to explain how much I love you and how much you mean to me. But the words escape me. The truth is, there are no words. The feelings are too big to be confined to language. From the moment I laid eyes on you, I have loved you so much it hurts.

Now that you’re gone, the pain could kill me. 

You were gone so suddenly. Unexpectedly. Without a single sign of warning. I did not have time to ready my heart for the loss of you. It wouldn’t have mattered. I would never, ever have been ready to say goodbye.

From the moment you left me, my life was (and forever will be) categorically divided into the time I shared with you and the time after you. Only the former really feels like life or like living. The latter feels like nothing more than an empty, hollow facsimile of what used to be joyful and beautiful. I don’t feel alive without you with me. I feel like a zombie in my own life.

But, just as you always did in life, you continue to bring me hope. For the first time in my life, I find myself hoping beyond hope that there’s another place – another side – and that you’re out there somewhere, but also still with me. And that you’re happy.

I hope we’ll meet again if there’s another place. But for me, Heaven has always been wherever I was with you. 

My beautiful Honey, I love you more than words can say. I miss you more than I can even interpret. I am grateful beyond words for everything you’ve done for me and everything you’ve given me and everything we’ve shared. 

I will never forget you. 

I will love you forever.